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Verse 1
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Tonight's
sermon
deals with the exciting personalities
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of Moses, Job, Cain, and Abraham,
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all of whom had a won
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derful rapport with God,
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whom I'm sure you'll all remember
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from last week's sermon.
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When Moses was a little child,
he cast off a cherubic light from his face,
so his father, Amron,
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turned to his mother, Jochebed,
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and said, said, yo, let us take the little child
and thrust him into the Nile
so that we might have decent
lighting in here again.
Moses was put into a casket
and thrust into the Nile.
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An Egyptian princess happened by
and saw immediately that he was for
we are told that Moses
had a terrific accent
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and she lifted the child up
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an d she said be cause I have lifted you up
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I shall call you Moses
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which when you think about
makes no sense at all.
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Moses was raised in the palace of the pharaoh,
when he was 25 years old,
he decided he was Jewish.
Upon leaving the palace,
he saw an Egyptian in the Hebrew,
and the Hebrew was being smitten
by the Egyptian.
There's a switch. Moses
said, don't smit him.
And instead he smit him.
ran out into the desert,
where he came upon a bevy of beautiful maidens,
munched to him with the delicate and
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alluring Zipporah.
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The daughter of a priest,
makes you think.
Well, Moses married Zipporah,
the Bible tells us,
and before long chased after a sheep.
In the distance, in the distance
he saw a bush that was burning,
yet it would not consume itself.
How about that,
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A voice came out, Moses.
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Moses, with the astute bearing of a prophet to be,
immediately went to the sheep
and looked in its mouth.
God said, no, up here. Moses!
Moses, cried in a voice
somewhat similar to that
of Charles Heston's.
Imagine God as a Northwestern
graduate.
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Moses! Listen here.
Take off your shoes from off of
your feet.
For the land that you
are standing upon
is holy land.
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Moses took his shoes off of his feet,
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and burnt his feet.
God said, Aha!
Third one today.
Moses swore.
We're not sure what he said.
As there are many Old Testament
scholars
who to this day believe it was the first mention of
Christ in the Bible.
Moses, God continued,
go unto the pharaoh
and tell him to let your
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people go.
Moses said, who shall I say sent me?
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Northwestern graduates.
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God said I am because I am.
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Moses said, oh,
thanks for clearing that up.
Moses goes into the Pharaoh,
his staff in one hand,
his little brother Aaron in the other.
Pharaoh says, who sent you?
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Moses says,
you're not going to believe this.
And the pharaoh didn't believe him,
for the pharaoh was a
powerful man.
Zerah went by the nickname Ramses.
He was so powerful,
he named a prophylactic after him.
But I digress.
The pharaoh didn't believe Moses
and so God destroyed all the land
with that mystical sense of humor
that is only his.
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