Well we decided we would try
an unfamiliar bar to buy
A soothing pint to cool the afternoon
And so we roamed the Glasgow streets
in search of fine and foreign treats
To be gulped and guzzled,
swigged and swallied down
And so the first place that we stopped
they clearly didn't own a mop
But the karaoke gave us both a laugh
We watched the steamers howl,
but the drink was fucking foul
So we downed it quick,
and soon we bathed we're half
And we found a new place quick,
but we had fallen for a trick
The Wendy's on the outside
weren't nae real
We knew that something was nae right,
the place was spoiling for a fight
But we braved the bar
with our new nerves of steel
But we duly gave up hope
when someone shouted fuck the Pope
And across the bar
the target hears his call
So then he shouts fuck the Queen
and makes a gesture quite obscene
So we ran away and shouted
fuck them all
Then we headed further west
where we were told we'd find the best
And fair enough the drink
was much improved
But then we bumped into this prick
that kept on flashing us his dick
So we backed away
and quickly made a move
And we hardly walked too far
until we found a cocktail bar
We fancy drinks of
blue and green and red
But they soon sucked up all the cash
so it was time to make a dash
So I turned to Jim
and this is what I said
Shall we just go to the place
of many a familiar face
The pub we should have went
to from the off
There's never any loons
and there's a jukebox
full of tunes
There's no finer place in town
to quip and quaff
And so that's now where we are,
we're standing swaying by the bar
Catching eyes and full
of grog and glee
Jimmy gets around and pays,
raises a pint and proudly says
You al ways come to where
you're meant to be
Thank you so much.